I read this quote yesterday in my favorite magazine….Where Women Create….and it made me stop and wonder….

 “I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.”

Virginia Woolf

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It is final….I  have a rare breast cancer….it is only 1 %of all breast cancers and it seems….I HAVE IT.   After visits with oncologist and our cancer care doctor….it appears to be  a cancer that does not react well to treatments … does not extend life much at all.  I was told that if I wanted chemo they would go ahead with it…but I am not about to spend the next 6-9 months dealing with the many side effects that would truly interfere in my life as it is right now….so…..it will be no treatments.   That was difficult to swallow at first and my husband and I had to take a week to deal with it all.  I spent many hours writing emails , talking on the phone, and sitting with friends and family discussion it all.  I had decided that if I was going to die….I wanted  those in my life to be a part of the whole process and so shared and shared and shared.  It was a stressful few weeks but now that it has been done….I am so much calmer.  At first I was so mad….m ad…mad,  then  so very scared, but for some reason now….it is aa if a page turned and a calmness crept in and life is ok now.  My husband is the very best…he lets me talk about thoughts that float around in my head….and he is doing the same which makes it all so comfortable.  Making sure all our stuff was in order, banks, power of attorney , will , palliative care, insurances and more has been important.  We want to get all our ducks in a row so when the time comes ….things will go smoothly for everyone.  I will have to stop here for today….lots to do.  thanks for listening.

Ahhhhhh…..winter.

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Winter would not feel so cold if our yards could look like this….

even with the snow all around..

.this sure would be nice to see in the morning.

Here are some other beautiful flowers to cheer you up during this long cold winter some of us have been going through.

Look very carefully at them and you will find they are made up f painted bodies.  How cool is that???

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Stay warm.

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heartbeat

How many heartbeats does one person have in a lifetime??

An old friend from years past got me thinking about this…heartbeats…how many have I used and how many do I have left…and how exactly will I spend them?

So…let’s say I live to be 75 (average life expectancy) …that gives me 15 more years of heartbeats at a rate 72  of beats a minute…to use…I am not going to bore you with the math.

Hmmm….it seems I have used up a good percentage of MY available heartbeats…so I had better not waste what may be remaining.

I also got wondering…how did  I spent all those past heartbeats ?

AND  SO….

Some years ago I spend numerous heartbeats … writing children’s stories/poems.  Last week when cleaning out a space in my home, I found a binder with all the creations I had long since forgotten about. In thinking about heartbeats…I thought I would share some of them here on this blog …I suppose in doing this…

 This is a way of sharing my present and past heartbeats with all of you.??

Sam…Don’t

My mom will always tell me

“No, no, you shouldn’t, don’t

I find that quite confusing

Cause normally I won’t

But when she says “don’t do that !!!”

Whatever that might be

She makes me think about it

I get confused…you see???

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When mom says please don’t do that

the first thing that I think

I really want to try that

Before I can even blink

Like when she says “don’t eat that”

before she has a clue

that thing if right inside my mouth

And I begin to chew

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When in the tub… mom always says

“Don’t splash and please no bubbles”

But splashing makes the bath such fun

Which always causes trouble

Why does mom say “Don’t touch that” ??

Cause it makes me want to try

And so I touch it quickly

And then she wonders why??

On days when it is rainy

with big  puddles on my street

Why does she yell  “No splashing Sam”

Then… I can’t control my feet

And when I crawl in bed at night

Mom says  ” Don’t suck your thumb”

But that just makes me want to

Isn’t that just  dumb?

Mom gives me straws to drink my milk

Then says “No blowing bubbles”

If she would just not say such things

I’d cause her fewer troubles

My mother always tells me

She wants me to be good

If she didn’t give such fun ideas

I’d behave…I know I could.

Written by…ME…

Sally Unrau … May 23, 2006

Thanks for sharing my heartbeats today….I hope you enjoyed the first of many kids stories.

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We have all hear people talking about ….waiting for their ship to come in…and maybe at times…we have wished that ours would come in as well.

Let’s think about it…a ship… is a large boat . ..that I for one… have never seen resting on a shore.

You may be thinking…but cruise ships come in to shore?  right?….Not really.  They come in to docks..(.not the shore)…. docks that have been specially built for them.

So I suppose that means …if you sit on shore and wait for it…you might be sitting there a very long time…unless there is a natural disaster that forces it to crash on the shore…

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Your ship  might come in but it will be damaged and broken …not exactly what you had in mind.

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So I suppose.. if your ship doesn’t come in… swimming out to it would be in order…..Don’t know how to swim??…and the thought of learning to is frightening? ….you may have to just start building that long dock.

 

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So… if sitting and watching…doesn’t bring in your ship….and you can’t swim or build…

you might have to reconsider the ship idea…

and settle for something a little smaller.

I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order.
John Burroughs

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I have spent hours on our lake waters the past three years…and each year I am amazed by the changes of the landscape and the wildlife that find a home within.  However…. …Where are all the ducks, geese, small wading birds and muskrat???   Why would there be many one year and almost none  the next???

The only thing that comes to mind is the differing water levels each year.  This year the lake water were extremely high…and moving too fast….could that be the reason???

Was there no place for nesting to take place??   I miss  watching the young grow up…and looking forward to finding them each time I  visit the lake.

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 However…the  Turtles…the beautiful painted turtles seem to be a constant in the landscape…everyday around 10 am.

I love to float beside them …near the reeds…as they  hug a piece of driftwood and raise the heads toward the sun in unison, is always a special moment.

thCAXRF6AP For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for  everything you gain, you lose something else.

Ralph  Waldo Emerson

Yes…I am missing something this summer…. the creatures …however…I have  spent more time observing the trees and the plants as they grow and change during the summer…more than ever before.  I have observed the changing of the shores…how the rain , sun and wind affect the growth, in and around the waters edge… how the water surface explodes some days with new growth…and how it can  visually change from being glasslike in one spot yet  choppy with waves in another.

Ahhhh…change.  Mother Nature seems to embrace it and accept the consequences .

Now…if only I could be as flexible as she.

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I attended a funeral yesterday.

I don’t know about you….but each time… I spend time in a church for such events…my thoughts wander.

And so….yesterday…that is exactly what happened…my brain wandered.

That is not to say..I did not listen to the service and what tributes were presented…in fact…I listened very intently.

933509_vbDuring the drive home…I thought of the years when my husbands parents were getting on in age…and… exhibiting more and more difficulties with everyday life.

  I thought of the hours  spent…assisting them from day to day…and the difficulties  encountered along the way.

 I .remembered each of their deaths and how very sad and different those last moments were.

For me….Sadly…I also remembered  how guilty and relieved…… I felt with each of them passing.

But yesterday I had a bit of an epiphany ….I think I have felt these feelings before??

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Yes I did….and that is when I thought of our daughter..

.I thought about the days when she decided to leave home and move on…

That was also a time of mixed emotions…sad to see her go…excited for her and what adventures lie in her future…guiltily happy… that she was leaving.

  I never really knew when that time would  occur…she might have decided to live at home for many more years.

Then it hit me…how her leaving home and death are  so much the same…

….both are very natural/ inevitable life events….both are emotional …both are times when a loved one …taken a new path…has moved on.

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Ok…not really so profound….but….it is what I was thinking about today.

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Before I tell you my story, I thought it would be good to first….talk about ..Freedom…..what exactly is freedom???

For the purposes of my story….the following aptly applies….

The ability to act freely: a state in which somebody is able to act and live as he or she chooses, without being subject to any undue restraints or restrictions…

To be released from captivity or slavery: release or rescue from being physically bound, or from being confined, enslaved, captured, or imprisoned…

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         It occurred on Monday morning…I was enjoying a solo paddle on the lake…and…..as I looked ahead I could see a  rock jutting out of the water…So as not to hit it I touched it with my paddle.  To my surprise….it was not a rock but instead….a turtle…floating.  It was not moving…was he dead?…or was he just hurt…. and so with my paddle, I lifted him onto the front of my kayak.   I immediately  noticed the fishing line…. coming from it’s mouth….and it turned out the other end of the line was attached to the shore of the lake..   Poor little turtle …I’ll call him Mike…all I could think was that  he got caught on the line/hook…. and had been floating out there with no food days…so I did the only thing I could…..SET HIM FREE !!!   I know the turtle Mike,  was dead… but at least now… he could float freely into the reeds along the shore  . I was a bit sad for the little creature…but it felt good that morning to give him his freedom.

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“I’m drawn to places that beguile and inspire, sedate and stir, places where, for a few blissful moments I loosen my death grip on life, and can breathe again. It turns out these destinations have a name:

thin places.”

 Eric Weiner

It was not until a few years ago , when my sister told me about her thin place,…that  I first heard this term.

 She shared with me…a favorite beach she likes to spend time at….where wild horses can be seen running on  the sand… a location she called her thin place.

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I immediately  wondered….what is it that makes a place… thin….how does a person know if they have  ever been ….to a thin place??

Is it a place where the… spiritual…the physical ….the mental….and the natural….have  a fine line between them?..

when they are indistinguishable from one another???

Is a thin place….an actual physical location???…or is it a state of mind???

Some have said that a Thin Place… cannot be described with words.

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So that got me to wondering….have I ever found myself in a thin place?

…the first thing that came to mind was…

my kayak… paddling all alone…. on the lake or down the creek in my kayak…

Yes…I do believe that is MY thin place.

A place where I can be alone but never feel  alone….where my mind can breath and my body relax… where life as it is ….seems to disappear.

Perhaps that is why I look so forward to the end of a long cold Canadian winter… a chance to once again….return to that place…my Thin Place.

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Have you ever been there?

Have you found your….

Thin Place???

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Hope is the state which promotes the belief

in a good outcome related to

events and circumstances in one’s life..

Think about it for a minute….unconciously we are all… hoping…hoping everyday…all the time without even thinking….. hoping that it will be sunny…hoping that we get to work on time…hoping the traffic  light does not turn red….hoping  you will  receive an email from a friend….and the list could go on and on.  We hope all the time.

        There are of course… times when hoping is what helps us to get through a tough day or a difficult time and is more conscious thought.

   It is at those moments  when having hope is what gets us through the day.

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Hope, like the gleaming taper’s light,

adorns and cheers our way;

and still, as darker grows the night,

Emits a brighter ray. 

   [Oliver Goldsmith]

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Now… I am the first to say that, by just hoping ,we cannot  make sure a good outcome to occur…however…it can sure make you feel better…more positive about the possible future…

So if all of this is true…why would we ever,ever want to…TAKE AWAY ANOTHER PERSON’S HOPE?

Oh no..!!!!!  Makes me wonder.. have I ever taken away someone’s hope??

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SMILE ???

It takes four muscles to smile,

20 to frown.

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Make someone smile today.

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Time to be happy…… the suspects are off the streets……

 

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Time to be sad for all those affected by the Boston event….

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Thanks to all those heroes who worked so tirelessly the past week…..

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Do you think you are unique??…

c646539332609418206376114b79bd6f     Do I think I am unique??? ……If  all of us  are  unique…..does that mean that none of us really are?????

Or….maybe we are equally unique….and so…differently the same???  And….If we are just like everyone else….is anyone really unique at all???

Just something to think ……..

So next time you start to feel like you are special…or unique…remember….so is everyone else.

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Is that really true?….The moment you wonder if you can…you will not be able to ?

                  Interesting thought …wouldn’t you agree?   If you were one of the characters in Peter Pan …
would you be one who would be able to fly out that bedroom window?…
Would you believe you could….or not?
 
Well, I don’t know about flying….but what about less dangerous acts?  ….Do you believe you CAN?….
 
I heard someone say…the other day…”Draw?????…me draw?????….I can’t draw a thing”. 
We all have said that about something or other …or …at least thought that.   I suppose we can only truly know….if we give it a good try.   Maybe it would be more correct to say….I don’t want to do it …or I don’t think I would like to do it…or…I just don’t want to put my time and efforts into THAT…..instead of…I can’t…..
 
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Have you found your place….next to another?

Do you both sparkle?

Do we help each other sparkle?

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photo …copyright..Michelle Beaudry

This got me wondering  about sparkling….do I sparkle?

….How about you?…..have you found your place?…your constellation??

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…Do you sparkle?….do you care?

I think there are days when we all sparkle….however….I know there are days when I don’t.

Hmmmmm……

I wonder …is  there is a way to keep my  sparkle ??….

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a96735_heligan-head     So….here we all are….looking forward to another year….  !!!      Will it be full of things that never were????

For me….for the past 3 years….I have  made and kept a New Year’s resolution… I know that most people say….Bah, Humbug….to any kind of resolutions…We have all made them and tried our best to keep them with little or no success…so why bother???….Well…I have come up with a way  to be able to make and keep a resolution….easily……The trick is to decide on a change that adds to your life….not one that causes stress

For example….one year I vowed to buy only vine ripened tomatoes when available….nothing less….then there was the NOT turning on the radio in the car unless driving more than 16 kms….how nice and quiet my rides were….and last year I decided to ….around the first of each month…to go clothes shopping for an item or two….to help update my shabby wardrobe.   Now you must admit…..very easy resolutions to make….and follow through on.  Not a bit of stress involved ….and the feeling of accomplishment at the end of each year.  And these resolutions I have continued to carrry on till the present!!!!!

So….now comes the difficult part….coming up with a new resolution for 2013…..but thanks to some friends of mine….on New Year/s eve….we did some brainstorming on possible ideas for resolutions…..such as….

  • Once a month…..do a first….maybe trying a new food….or…buying a new kind of soap or shampoo ….or….watching a new tv show…or…how about just brushing your teeth with your other hand…or maybe going into a store you have never visited ….pay for a stranger’s coffee …etc. etc…!!!
  • Once a month….Taking one item out of my freezer downstairs and using it….(I keep putting items in but never take them out) so it might be an adventure for me

I am feeling that the freezer idea will be it for me in 2013 ….I think  once a month ….would be a good way to go this year…..Now I am a bit excited to find out what is lurking in that freezer downstairs. ….I am just going to have to come up with a date to start…..hmmmm….I suppose if I do it sometime during the first week of each month….will be it…..Hmmmm…although the thought of firsts really intrigues me …..could I maybe….do both…????

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Could  this is be a gentle way to step out????

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Have a look …..a very careful look.!!!!

 

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Is it true that we often see …only what we WANT to see??

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Is this a leaf….a bug….an elephant?????…..Look again…it is really  a person standing on his head..covered in body paint!!!!!

I had to look again and again before  I was finally able to  see this for what it really is.

 

 

 

 

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