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I attended a funeral yesterday.

I don’t know about you….but each time… I spend time in a church for such events…my thoughts wander.

And so….yesterday…that is exactly what happened…my brain wandered.

That is not to say..I did not listen to the service and what tributes were presented…in fact…I listened very intently.

933509_vbDuring the drive home…I thought of the years when my husbands parents were getting on in age…and… exhibiting more and more difficulties with everyday life.

  I thought of the hours  spent…assisting them from day to day…and the difficulties  encountered along the way.

 I .remembered each of their deaths and how very sad and different those last moments were.

For me….Sadly…I also remembered  how guilty and relieved…… I felt with each of them passing.

But yesterday I had a bit of an epiphany ….I think I have felt these feelings before??

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Yes I did….and that is when I thought of our daughter..

.I thought about the days when she decided to leave home and move on…

That was also a time of mixed emotions…sad to see her go…excited for her and what adventures lie in her future…guiltily happy… that she was leaving.

  I never really knew when that time would  occur…she might have decided to live at home for many more years.

Then it hit me…how her leaving home and death are  so much the same…

….both are very natural/ inevitable life events….both are emotional …both are times when a loved one …taken a new path…has moved on.

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Ok…not really so profound….but….it is what I was thinking about today.

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At twenty we worry about what others think of us;

At forty we don’t care about what others think of us;

At sixty we discover they haven’t been thinking about us at all.

— Author Unknown

Hmm…the center of the universe…for sure we are all …the center of our own universe…but…. THE UNIVERSE???

I bet we can all remember…when we  were younger…and worrying…worrying about what others thought of us…We worried about our clothes, our hair, our cars…and more…Did we fit in??…And no matter how hard we tried…we would always worry…Funny though…Do you ever remember worrying  in that way about  others??…..I  sure don’t….so why is it that…we assumed they/others… would think  about us????…

Doesn’t it stand to reason that …during those years…as everyone is worried about …what the other person is thinking of them…the other person is worried about what others are thinking of them too???…and so…it would make sense to assume that…no one is thinking about anyone but themselves!!!..Interesting that it takes us so many years to figure that one out…to realize that …no…the universe does not revolve around us.

For sure we will all experience times of success…or times of great excitement……a time when we may have a lapse of reality…a moment of regression…when we feel we are the center of the universe…. But…as the years go by…we know …we aren’t and  we never were.

 

 

I continue to read on in my book…the book chosen by my reading group …The Chicks in the Sticks….to discuss at our next get book club get together…The Happiness Project…and although a number of the “chicks” did not find it interesting or compelling at all, I did. Have you ever started reading a book… one that seemed to appear in your life…just at the right time??…Have you ever thought about that book…and wondered if you had begun reading it 6 months ago…. you would not have enjoyed it as much??…Well for me this book appeared at just the right time in my life…at least that is how it seems to me.

So you may be thinking …why a book about happiness???……Is she is unhappy??…I don’t think so…I am generally a happy person…so…I can’t exactly explain it… however… since I began reading it…I can truly say…I am a happier person …so my thinking is…why try to understand it?.

So how happy can one person be?…If like  honest Abe says...you are as happy as you make up your mind to be... does that mean we never have to be unhappy if we don’t want to be??… I suppose if we had more control over our mind and how we think from moment to moment…maybe that is true…However…I don’t know about you but…it is those darned old emotions that seem to get in the way…they seem to have a mind of their own some days…a mind that seems separate from the one I have control over…making it difficult to keep that happiness quotient up at certain moments.

From what I have now read…it is believed that happiness is not the opposite of sadness…that they are two very different emotions…So ..Does that mean …they can both exist together…side by side???…Does that mean a person can be happy and sad at the same time???…I got to thinking about that and what came to mind was my mom’s death…and yes…I think that is true…I was so sad that she had passed away…yet I was so very happy that she did not have to deal with any more treatments…so…yes…I do believe …happy and sad can sit at the same table.

So would that mean ..

in the absence of happiness…a person is not really sad…but rather…less happy…and in the absence of sadness…a person is not necessarily happy…but rather…just not sad…

Something to think about….

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