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It is final….I  have a rare breast cancer….it is only 1 %of all breast cancers and it seems….I HAVE IT.   After visits with oncologist and our cancer care doctor….it appears to be  a cancer that does not react well to treatments … does not extend life much at all.  I was told that if I wanted chemo they would go ahead with it…but I am not about to spend the next 6-9 months dealing with the many side effects that would truly interfere in my life as it is right now….so…..it will be no treatments.   That was difficult to swallow at first and my husband and I had to take a week to deal with it all.  I spent many hours writing emails , talking on the phone, and sitting with friends and family discussion it all.  I had decided that if I was going to die….I wanted  those in my life to be a part of the whole process and so shared and shared and shared.  It was a stressful few weeks but now that it has been done….I am so much calmer.  At first I was so mad….m ad…mad,  then  so very scared, but for some reason now….it is aa if a page turned and a calmness crept in and life is ok now.  My husband is the very best…he lets me talk about thoughts that float around in my head….and he is doing the same which makes it all so comfortable.  Making sure all our stuff was in order, banks, power of attorney , will , palliative care, insurances and more has been important.  We want to get all our ducks in a row so when the time comes ….things will go smoothly for everyone.  I will have to stop here for today….lots to do.  thanks for listening.

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